“...it’s like any growth. You can’t be ready for it because - it’s growth, it’s gonna be new. It’s gonna be new. You’re gonna have a new life, you’re gonna be a new person.”
My two favorite movies of all time are Hairspray (the Zac Efron version) and The Wolf of Wall Street. Although one is super girly and one is ultra violent and raunchy - the main characters are the same. They are both fully committed to one special skill that makes them remarkable human beings. Tracy is an amazing dancer that will do anything to stand up for what she believes in and because of that she creates an entire movement. She inspired everyone to dance and sing alongside her even if it was a huge risk. Leonardo Dicaprio’s character is an extremely talented salesman. He is able to get everybody on board with him, even if what he was doing was “wrong.” I LOVE that he came out of prison and became a motivational speaker and taught sales classes. Sales is his “thing,” it’s what he’s about. Stories and people like this inspire me. I hope that one day I can be committed to one thing just as much as I am committed to one person. Commitment is what makes people interesting. Constraint is where we grow. Finding my “one thing” in my career is an aspect of my life I am still figuring out and I am enjoying figuring it out with my husband by my side. I don’t feel limited by marriage, I feel empowered. Being married is bliss, like a long, good savasana. Find someone you love. Make them stick with you til you die!! It’s a great life plan, and actually really productive.
Why should I commit myself to be with one person? Because if I didn’t, I’d wander around this world trying to figure out what love is with a whole bunch of people, places or things. That sounds exhausting! I am too lazy for that and I’d rather spend my time dancing like Tracy or figuring out how to be the Leonardo Dicaprio of yoga. I don’t have time to get to know anyone else romantically, or travel to find love in mother nature blah blah. I have found what I believe is love with Mike, and constraining myself to pursue this one type of love with my husband is what gives me freedom and choice. Limiting yourself is actually really productive. I don't need to be able to date everyone to feel free and in control of my life. I don’t need to live in seven different cities to feel connected to the world. Having too many options makes it hard to focus, just think about how long it takes you to figure out where to go to dinner! Aziz Ansari’s book, Modern Romance, has an awesome commentary about the paradox of choice when it comes to relationships. Marriage isn't "settling," it's choosing to move forward openly and full-force with someone you love.
I learned a lot about freedom in constraint through yoga. Yoga taught me how to focus on one thing: the present moment. When in the present moment, I realize how connected I am to everything. When a yoga teacher tells you to “Focus on your breath,” they’re not just telling you to do that because your breath is super interesting, (it’s not). It’s because focusing on your breath is one of the simplest, most universal ways for a human being to connect to the present moment. Your attention has no physical form, it takes the shape of whatever is in front of it. Connecting with one thing, like your breath, gives your attention a “shape” and allows you to focus on here and now. When you’re focused on the present moment, it becomes clear how connected we all are. It’s what makes yoga feel so special.
Being married is fun! I highly recommend getting married. Now I know I can count on my husband for anything and everything I need and want to eat. We’ve announced to the world that we’ll be there for each other no matter what. It’s like all of this guaranteed attention. Perfect! Because I am too lazy to try and get everyone to love me. If I can get ONE person to think I’m funny and pretty all the time- that is enough, in fact it’s more than enough, it’s more efficient!